Giving it to Him then taking it back.

I am super guilty of this. Giving my worries, frets, wants etc to God then taking it back from Him. This whole process of trying for a biological child and adopting has been the hardest thing to give up control of (and I admit that I love to control everything). It is my number one prayer, my number one want….and even when Whitney asked me what I want for my birthday, I say “Children”, knowing full well that is CRAZY to say. There are days when I can fully say “God, take this burden off my heart and I know that you will make it happen. You can do anything.” Then there are days when I sit in front of the computer wondering “How can I make this process go faster?” I google adoption twenty million times basically hoping that the first thing that pops up is an ad saying “Tara! We have your child! Click here and all your dreams will come true!”.  There are times when I sit and wonder why my doctor doesn’t call me in to run tons of tests. I want him to say to me “You are my number one priority and we will figure this out TODAY.” I often wonder why can’t I hire a personal doctor to be at my beck and call…to only cater to me and my problems.

I realize that everyone has these desires, they just come in different packages. There are people out there who want to be married. I am SO BLESSED to have the most amazing husband and WONDERFUL marriage. I am thankful for that and often forget that I was in the position at one time where I was longing for a loving husband.  I thank God that He answered that prayer!

God doesn’t move when we want Him to move. When you fully give Him something, He doesn’t need your help to direct Him how to get it done.  God can do anything so why am I so scared that He won’t ever give me children? There is nothing too hard for God but man, it is hard for me to just let Him do it.

This past Sunday, all of this was brought to my attention with a big fat smack in the face. I KNOW I need to give this to God. I just never fully do it. The lesson our pastor preached was a wake up call for me. It was basically broken down into some acronyms.

COMMIT: Counting On My Master In Totality (Completely knowing God can do anything)

TRUST: Truly Resting Upon Spiritual Truths (Trusting that He WILL provide)

DELIGHT: Daily Express Love In God’s Holy Truths (Be thankful for what you DO have)

REST: Recover Everything Satan Took (Don’t let the fretting rule your life because it comes from a bad place)

And the thing that really hit home for me: When you FRET, you Forfit Rest Everytime. And I sure am tired.

I hope that whatever you are fretting over today, you can fully give it to God. I know it’s hard but let’s do it together so that we all can just enjoy our time right now with what we have right now. It is much easier to look happy when you ARE happy. God doesn’t want us to be happy about our circumstances, because they change ALL THE TIME….He wants us to be happy in spite of our circumstances.

Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. ~Psalms 37:4




2 thoughts on “Giving it to Him then taking it back.

  1. I totally use Google like that, too. When our first child was stillborn of unknown causes this November, we started trying again right away. I kept Googling pregnancy and fertility and TTC, and some fantasizing part of me was totally looking for the page that said, “Beth, this is what you have to do to get pregnant again, and this is when your next baby will be born, and he/she will be alive, guaranteed.” The things we do… Thanks for writing this, I totally needed it. I wandered over here to say thank you SO much for designing the awesome biz cards for Still Standing. They rock!

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