I wasn’t sure if I was going to write a post about Mother’s Day. I thought maybe it would be too sad or make people feel bad for me. Whitney and I went out of town for the weekend… I thought that would make everything go away…..while we had a great time, the pain was still there. This Mother’s Day was the hardest yet. Sarah was supposed to be here. And since she couldn’t, I thought this 4th pregnancy would make it less of a blow. Double whammy on the motherhood front.
The past couple of days I’ve tried to stay off the grid and just really let everything sink in. (I apologize to those people who reached out to me the past couple of days that I have not responded to yet….your messages mean more than you know) Honestly, everyday is Mother’s Day to me. I think about being a mother every single day. Not every single second, but every single day. Then I got to thinking about others in my life that are probably having a hard time with this day too. Don’t get me wrong, I hope all the mothers out there had a wonderful day, especially my friends who are experiencing their first one:) But I can’t help but think of the woman I’ve never met in my hometown who only got 6 Mother’s Days with her daughter, or the high school friend who’s mother passed away recently, or my mother-in-law who will never get to say “Happy Mother’s Day” to her mom again. I know I’m not alone in dealing with loss on Mother’s day. I know this day will feel and will BE different for me when we finally get the children God has planned for us. I KNOW that I will love and enjoy Mother’s day someday. But I’m not there yet and so this has been a hard week for me. There is one more thing that I KNOW above all else, I trust God’s plan so much more than my emotions!