Giving it to Him then taking it back.

I am super guilty of this. Giving my worries, frets, wants etc to God then taking it back from Him. This whole process of trying for a biological child and adopting has been the hardest thing to give up control of (and I admit that I love to control everything). It is my number one prayer, my number one want….and even when Whitney asked me what I want for my birthday, I say “Children”, knowing full well that is CRAZY to say. There are days when I can fully say “God, take this burden off my heart and I know that you will make it happen. You can do anything.” Then there are days when I sit in front of the computer wondering “How can I make this process go faster?” I google adoption twenty million times basically hoping that the first thing that pops up is an ad saying “Tara! We have your child! Click here and all your dreams will come true!”.  There are times when I sit and wonder why my doctor doesn’t call me in to run tons of tests. I want him to say to me “You are my number one priority and we will figure this out TODAY.” I often wonder why can’t I hire a personal doctor to be at my beck and call…to only cater to me and my problems.

I realize that everyone has these desires, they just come in different packages. There are people out there who want to be married. I am SO BLESSED to have the most amazing husband and WONDERFUL marriage. I am thankful for that and often forget that I was in the position at one time where I was longing for a loving husband.  I thank God that He answered that prayer!

God doesn’t move when we want Him to move. When you fully give Him something, He doesn’t need your help to direct Him how to get it done.  God can do anything so why am I so scared that He won’t ever give me children? There is nothing too hard for God but man, it is hard for me to just let Him do it.

This past Sunday, all of this was brought to my attention with a big fat smack in the face. I KNOW I need to give this to God. I just never fully do it. The lesson our pastor preached was a wake up call for me. It was basically broken down into some acronyms.

COMMIT: Counting On My Master In Totality (Completely knowing God can do anything)

TRUST: Truly Resting Upon Spiritual Truths (Trusting that He WILL provide)

DELIGHT: Daily Express Love In God’s Holy Truths (Be thankful for what you DO have)

REST: Recover Everything Satan Took (Don’t let the fretting rule your life because it comes from a bad place)

And the thing that really hit home for me: When you FRET, you Forfit Rest Everytime. And I sure am tired.

I hope that whatever you are fretting over today, you can fully give it to God. I know it’s hard but let’s do it together so that we all can just enjoy our time right now with what we have right now. It is much easier to look happy when you ARE happy. God doesn’t want us to be happy about our circumstances, because they change ALL THE TIME….He wants us to be happy in spite of our circumstances.

Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. ~Psalms 37:4

Love,

Tara

Lessons Learned

I can admit that most posts…okay pretty much every post, has been by Tara.  She always saves her posts as a draft and asks me to read them before she posts them.  I may add a line here or there, change a word or two, but basically the posts are from the heart and mind of Tara.  Tonight I decided to write this post all by my little self….if you can believe it !  

Tomorrow is Tara and I’s anniversary and as I think back about our lives since we got married I am fairly blown away. My life has changed so drastically since I met Tara. I can honestly say that I have never experience so much joy and love in my life and I can also honestly say that I have never experienced so much pain and heart ache in my entire life too. What I went through watching my wife lay in the hospital and cry as we were losing our daughter….  I think of those days and times and realize that I, AS THE MAN, would have crumbled if it weren’t for the second greatest gift Jesus ever game me, which was Tara.  I know that I was made to be her husband and I am sooo positive that she was made to be my wife. Three years married together….I can admit that it does not sound like that long of a time, but I can say that at 31 years old I am hard pressed to remember my life farther back then 3 years ago !!! I know the reason for that is because my life did not really start before Tara.

So this site is supposed to be about our adoption journey and all of the ups and downs and lessons learned as we move through this process, so what does our anniversary have anything to do with that ?  Well – to me there is no difference in these stories.  What have I learned so far as we are starting through this process ? I have learned that there are so many emotional highs and emotional lows.  I have learned that the shift between those highs and lows can happen in the blink of an eye.  I have learned that the adoption process is not at all easy and not at all cheap. I have learned that the conversations and dreams of getting our child can bring huge smiles and great anticipation and bring flooding tears when nothing seems to be going quick enough because she is out there and needs to “come home.”  I have learned that this process is not for the weak of heart.  I have learned that my wife is such an amazing and strong woman.  She is a woman who, against all odds, says I will keep trying and keep working to bring our daughter home.  I have learned that I, on my own, am no where near strong enough and driven enough to be able to do this. Do not misunderstand me, I want to adopt more than anything and have honestly wanted to adopt children since I was young and long before I knew Tara…but what I admit here publicly is that without Tara I know I would fail on my own.  God has given me a help mate that makes me appear strong and makes me a better person for being associated with her.  I could write a novel with this subject in mind and heart…but I think I’ll wrap this up with the biggest lesson I have learned as we have started the adoption process.  I am so blessed to have the honor of being the husband of Tara Owens.  She is a woman that never ceases to amaze and I am grateful that I get to work on bringing my daughter home with her by my side !!

My Mother’s Day

I wasn’t sure if I was going to write a post about Mother’s Day. I thought maybe it would be too sad or make people feel bad for me. Whitney and I went out of town for the weekend… I thought that would make everything go away…..while we had a great time, the pain was still there. This Mother’s Day was the hardest yet. Sarah was supposed to be here. And since she couldn’t, I thought this 4th pregnancy would make it less of a blow. Double whammy on the motherhood front.
The past couple of days I’ve tried to stay off the grid and just really let everything sink in. (I apologize to those people who reached out to me the past couple of days that I have not responded to yet….your messages mean more than you know) Honestly, everyday is Mother’s Day to me. I think about being a mother every single day. Not every single second, but every single day. Then I got to thinking about others in my life that are probably having a hard time with this day too. Don’t get me wrong, I hope all the mothers out there had a wonderful day, especially my friends who are experiencing their first one:) But I can’t help but think of the woman I’ve never met in my hometown who only got 6 Mother’s Days with her daughter, or the high school friend who’s mother passed away recently, or my mother-in-law who will never get to say “Happy Mother’s Day” to her mom again. I know I’m not alone in dealing with loss on Mother’s day. I know this day will feel and will BE different for me when we finally get the children God has planned for us. I KNOW that I will love and enjoy Mother’s day someday. But I’m not there yet and so this has been a hard week for me. There is one more thing that I KNOW above all else, I trust God’s plan so much more than my emotions!

Love,
Tara

Are we wondering why? Yes.

Hello family and friends,

This post is a hard one to write but we thought that we should share our news. As many of you know, we have been trying to have biological children for about two and a half years now. We’ve miscarried twice and then delivered and lost Sarah. Well two weeks ago, we found out that I was pregnant! We had been trying since February when we got the go ahead from our doctor. Well, Tuesday night, we miscarried again. We had a doctors appointment yesterday and I am ok. Thankfully, we have finally found a local infertility doctor that cares about our situation and is going to be running a ton of tests to help us find out what is going on.

Although this is certainly sad news, what does it have anything to do with our adoption journey ?!?! Well – very simply, we desperately want to be parents and know that with such a strong desire to raise children there must be a way !  When we had our first two miscarriages they were so traumatically difficult.  We felt 100% powerless and 100% hopeless with any thing that was given to us to control.  With the loss of Sarah, well we are still mourning for her but God’s grace gets us through each day. But now what a difference an adoption makes!  Are we still heart broken about this loss ?  Well yes, of course we are, but not without hope and not without a God provided joy of the road we are still on.  What a great gift adoption has become to us.  Without even having one of our children through adoption yet, we are already receiving from this process. In the mean time, our adoption is still going strong. We will be following through with the two adoptions no matter what goes on biologically and that has always been the plan. Adoption was always something we were going to do but now with all the issues we have had, it means more to us than ever.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers during this time.

Love, Tara & Whitney

PS. If we had a dollar for every time someone said “I admire your strength” or “Your faith is so strong”, well we wouldn’t need a store to help fund our adoptions. It is not us, it is God. Without his strength and grace we would not be able to get through all these hard times we are facing. Are we sad? Yes. Are we wondering why? Yes. But we are different people than we used to be because God is in our hearts. We know ALOT of people out there are struggling with things too and YOU can have this strength like we do. I encourage all of you reading this to thank God for the life you have right now and to ask Him into your heart. It’s not the miracle cure for getting rid of all your struggles but it helps you get through them with hope. I once was lost but now am found…was blind but now I see.

Take Note….New Adoption Store Item!

Hello family and friends!

First of all, thank you for reading our blog. It means alot to us that you take the time to follow along:) The news today is a new store item!

 

I recently designed these notecards. You get 10 (4×8) blank notecards with envelopes. Each set comes with four colors (pink, orange, green & blue chevron). Remember when email didn’t exist and we wrote letters to each other? Well I still like to do that and we hope you do too! Each set is $15 plus $2 shipping…that’s less than two dollars a card…cheaper than Hallmark:) . If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. Please email us at owensadoption@gmail.com to order:)

Thanks for looking, shopping and helping us get closer to bringing home our kids! We’ll also go ahead and say thank you from the USPS for still utilizing their services when you go buy some stamps to mail these beautiful cards to your friends and family:)

Love,

Tara & Whitney

Homestudy Recap

Hello friends and family,

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers this last week as we completed our homestudy visit. Our social worker from Albuquerque came down for a few hours on Friday and a few hours Saturday afternoon to interview us and tour our home. She made us feel so comfortable and we were not nervous at all! It actually lit a fire to get things done even quicker! We are ready to meet our children! It will take her about a month to write up her report then we will be approved! Next, our journey splits into two once the homestudy is done. One is waiting to be matched with a birthmother for our domestic adoption through our local agency and the other is signing on with our international agency to begin the international paperwork and matching process (our international office also could match us with a domestic birthmother as well).

One great thing we learned during the homestudy was about a family our social worker works with that just adopted a little three year old girl from India! She is going to pass along their info so we can chat with them about their experience and see how things are going. We are very excited about speaking with them!

We’ve still got alot of money to raise for our international adoption but we’ve got a new item to add to the store and t-shirts coming soon:) We’ll be blogging about the new item tomorrow so stay tuned!

Love,

Whitney and Tara

Homestudy Day is set!

Hello friends and family!

Well we just got the news that our homestudy visit will be happening THIS WEEK!! Our social worker will be visiting our home Friday and again on Saturday. That forced a mad rush to finish ALL our paperwork by Monday morning so she had time to review it before arriving. We knew she was coming in May but we were thinking it would be the middle of May. It may be earlier than we thought but WE’LL TAKE IT! Anything to get our daughter home sooner is good by us! Keep us in your prayers leading into Friday and Saturday as we are not 100% sure what all to expect!!!

Some old college friends of ours are adopting right now too and we saw on Facebook a picture last night and the title was “A Paper Pregnancy!” Genius if I do say so myself – Friday marks the start of our second trimester in our very own paper pregnancy !!!! 🙂

Love,
Whitney & Tara